Love Your Life.

“We as human persons are not only thinkers, but analyzers of facts. We are also doers of deeds. Indeed, it has been the wise insight of philosophy in our century that our highest a achievement is not contemplation (as Aristotle said) but rather intelligent actions. We cannot be perennial observers, commentators on the current scene. No, we must act. We must make a decision, we must judge our own behavior. At some point we mist finally declare: “It is theoretically possible that I may be wrong, but it seems to me that I ought to do this.”"

My days are always long and weeks are short. Juggling four different leadership positions plus school plus life’s obstacles is always a challenge, but one that I’m deeply grateful for. Every morning when I walk around the campus gazing at its beauty and wonder, I can’t help but feel an overwhelming peace and happiness. I feel like the most blessed girl in the world. The fact that I have clothes, a house, an education, two jobs, food to eat, money to share, and a million more things just shocks me every single day. It is an alarming yet soothing reality to know that by grace I have been given these opportunities and am more fortunate than about a quarter of the world’s population. I know these things are simple truths but they truly are not so simple… it is by mere happenstance I am not living on the streets or in a war torn country. It is not that I deserve this wonderful, abundant life I live. It is not that at all. I was gracefully given this life, unswervingly, and my plan is to live it out the best I can: giving to others at all chances and being happy in every way possible. “Happiness is in the heart, not in the circumstances.” My chocolate wrapper said that today.  I find it to be the truest of true statements.

I also want to plug in a revolutionary invention that was unveiled today. It is called the LRA Crisis Tracker. You might remember me raving about it back on my Fourth Estate notes. This is the greatest thing to hit the world wide web. On this site, you can see live updates of LRA sightings, incidents, and attacks. It is detailed, documented active information regarding the LRA and Joseph Kony. Take a look at it. Tell your friends, coworkers and family members. Tell strangers. Peruse the site and let it bring an awakening in you to act: http://www.lracrisistracker.com/

Jump First, Fear Later.

I have returned from my time in Austin and San Diego for the summer, and I return home to Garland a changed person. Not revved, not riled, not pumped, but changed. I typed up all my notes from the Fourth Estate conference in San Diego to share with everyone. They might not all make sense, and they definitely do not embody the absolute fervor and compassion of everyone at the conference. But it is a small insight on what I learned and experienced. I hope they benefit you and change you as well.

Fourth Estate
August 4-7^th 2011
USD Campus

Day One:
Proving the Universal through the Specific.
This is the theme of the conference.

It’s all about being the exception to the rule: not waiting for anything but going out and doing it.

Protection Plan:
The LRA Crisis Tracker
This took 8 months to create. With this program, you can see where the LRA is attacking at all times.
IC will be expanding the radio connection and it’s the number one priority this fall. These towers are going into the Bas-Uele and Congo. These radios will allow citizens to protect themselves. The small individual portable radios are what will SAVE. The need for additional communication systems is so important. There is no way for the attacks to be reported. But things are changing this fall. New radios are being built and there will be people there to report and alarm others of attacks or sightings.

The places that are being attacked are so remote, that it would take us five days to get to the area. Current reported areas in Haut-Uele are very high, while the Bas-Uele areas haven’t been reported on. That is because there is almost zero communication. We can’t help these people unless we have the data. Communication and documentation is SO important. So many incidents are going unnoticed and undocumented. That is why we need the radio towers and the crisis tracker.

It’s not the condition, but the conviction.

Sean Stephenson:

You have to take the potential and make it kinetic. Take what you want to become, and turn it into BECOMING. It’s always all about the emotions. We all have them. You bring the party with your energy. But we have to condition our mind to know insecurity isn’t worth it. Arrogance is about proving yourself. Confidence is about improving yourself. The size of your BUT is what stops people from going after their dreams. We have to take a stand for humanity. Don’t ne stuck by your BUT. First we have to connect with each other. Second, connect with yourself. You need to know and love yourself! People tend to ignore their five year old inner voice by distractions like eating or doing drugs or playing sports. People will do anything to shut up that inner five year old voice. You have to love that inner kid and embrace the child, because when you start doing that, the insecurities will melt away.

Day Two:

By Jason:
You are more powerful than you think you are.
You have a song inside of you. You need to know, love and share that song.
FINISH STRONG. FINISH WELL.
Every moment in your life is preparing you for an opportunity to come.

Jason Russell was once so depressed at age 16 that he was suicidal. But he prayed and prayed and prayed for a better day. And it finally came. His friends Bobby and Laren prayed too, and they found themselves in Africa. That is how this all started. God’s plan is bigger than any plan we could have for our self.  Jason’s montage was playing in his head one night in Uganda, and he heard God saying to him “It is all me.” We have to surrender to His will. The Creator will tell you and you will have to surrender to Him and then, you become ALIVE in Him. That is why Jason is the DREAM EVENGELIST.

Emily Sernaker:

Every year a child is in school, their poverty is reduced by 10%. Education and activism go hand in hand. Most people believe the world can be better. Given the opportunity, they will act on that belief.

Carl Wilkins:

Carl showed a picture of a poverty stricken woman and said, “She didn’t focus on what she didn’t have but what she had and what she could do.”

Stories and service.
That is how you will get people’s attention.
(He references “A Thousand Hills” by Stephen Kinzer)

You do with what you have. It’s not about fighting genocide, but about fighting the definition in our own head. The exclusive problem solving is comfortable at best and genocide at worst.

“THE GIRL EFFECT.” Girleffect.org

When the militia killers came into Carl’s neighborhood in Rwanda, his neighbors saved him by telling the killers a story.

Are we getting an education to be served or TO SERVE? Carl made it through the genocide and war because of his wife Teresa, his neighbors, his kids and God. We all have the bystander, perpetrator, and survivor inside. That is why WE ALL HAVE OUR CHOICES. When we engage our mind and our muscles, we learn how we think, and that will change the world.

The History of the LRA by Laren:

The Northerners: Nilotic
Southerners: Bantu

Acholi are from the north, and they had lots of chiefs. The Buganda are from the south and they had one king. The colony verses the Protectorate meant inserting people all over verses one person in charge of all of Uganda, like the British did.

The division happened here: artificial elevation of people in the north and south is the real problem. Kony thought he is doing northerners a favor, but he is the manifestation of the division. He is delusional and pure evil.

King Mutessa was made king by the British in 1962. Milton Obote was an Acholi and kicked out Mutessa and rose to presidency. The people were upset. Then Idi Amin, a crazy horrible person took over and killed hundreds of thousands of people. This brought the North and South together, because they both wanted Amin out. This first alliance brought Obote back to power, and he had Democratic elections (or so they say). Museveni then became president by starting a small rebel group and rising to the top. Kony was in grade school at this time. And a Northerner. He was upset at Museveni, and joined the Spirit Rebellion. Alice Lakwela, Kony’s predecessor and truly delusional woman, is now exiled.

Peace Talks:
1994, 1998, 2003, 2007
Al-Bashir made a deal with Kony to eradicate the rebel group in Darfur and funded Kony with anything he wanted. Now that Kony is out of Uganda, he’s moved into the Central African Republic (CAR) and the Congo. The people in those countries don’t know why the LRA is attacking. They are scared and tend to attack back. The reason the LRA is in the Congo is because there are tons of people to abduct and tons of food to lewt. UPDF supports the fight against the LRA and attempt to help.
The problem is that Kony will become the absolute King of these lands if we stop pressuring him.

Adam Fink- CULTIVATOR TRACK

Big government aid, development (sustainability) and humanitarian relief are the main points of this talk. There are always complexities and unintended consequences in this field. Paul Farmer is a great example of how to develop correctly. Mayo’s response is that “aid has made the poor poorer and the growth slower.” The four things that are destroying nations are war, disease, poverty and corruption. If you throw enough money at something, you can solve it. THAT IS A MYTH. That only creates dependency. The context of what would work in the USA isn’t always what will work over seas. Intervention is starting to become a problem.

IC’s Rules of Engagement (unofficially):

1)      Ask questions ALWAYS

2)      Local knowledge + solutions (seekers vs planners)

3)      Bring expertise

4)      Community ownership

5)      Ensure sustainability

6)      Be adaptable

7)      Embrace innovation

8)      Be transparent

9)      Put yourself out of business (have an exit strategy and always strive for the end goal)

“It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.”  -JFK

Jolly Okot:

She was in a dance team in 1979, and had a good life. When Amin was overthrown, she became poor for a year and didn’t even have clothes. She was also abducted during this time and was doing admin work for Kony. She escaped and went back to school. She didn’t get enough rehab, so it was really really hard for her. Thing were difficult but she HAD to find a solution, and that answer was schooling.

Patrick Mundunga:

Education is the key to ending poverty.

Education–> scholarship–> mentorship–> university and secondary school
Education–> schools for schools–> hardware and software–> curriculum, technology, computer, etc

There is a unique focus on secondary school:
High visual impact
Performance incentives
Community participation driven
Flexible and Demand driven
Sustainability
Gender sensitive
Environment friendly

Why all these things? For personal, strategic and fundamental reasons!

Post-conflict recovery includes new classrooms, bathrooms, girl accommodations, safe water, and the teacher exchange. When the guns go silent, that is when the real work begins.

Rehabilitation Center: It took Jolly 10 years to forget the horrors of the bush. It’s so important to go into rehab, but no one has even been introduced to it in the LRA affected areas. This center will be up and running by September.

Jeremy Rifkin– The Empathic Civilization:

July 2008 is when the economic earthquake occurred. We hit the peak of civilization, so how did this happen? Our entire civilization is dependent on fossil fuels in every way- maybe that’s why.

40% of the world lives on $2 a day.

So much carbon is in the world that the heat can’t get in or out of the ozone. Climate change is worse than we are being told. Don’t be fooled. The way the climate is changing, the pace and the temperature rising, the planet won’t be able to handle it. Water will melt or dry up in areas that will cause harm. 70% of species will be depleted by the end of the century. WHAT IS WRONG WITH OUR SPECIES? How could we let this happen? It’s more than not coming up with solutions or predicting these tragedies. It’s our humanity and the ethics that are in questions. Thomas Haus has said humans are vicious. John Mack said that every baby will soak in what you tell him or her. Different philosophers have ideas on the condition of babies , and they are all negative. But if we stay this way forever, with 6.8 billion people living, we are doomed.

U.S. bonds went from triple-A to double-A, which is beyond comprehension for what the future will hold.

The mirror neurons were discovered in chimps and also discovered in humans. It makes us affectionate, sociable and full of solidarity. Compassion is humanity. How does empathy change history?

Humans figured out a writing system even when they didn’t know what I was. How do you explain that? Mythical, theological, ideological and psychological ways are how we determine things. The communication revolution has changed everything for us! It’s a lateral source, much like the distributing energy plan Rifkin came up with. It’s just like file sharing. This energy is everywhere. The EU in 2007 took this plan which will make 20% renewable energy by 2020. The number one cause of climate change is buildings, the number two cause is beef production in factory farming, and the third is transportation. The number one problem is also our solution; we just have to make it sustainable. 8 billion euros  will go into hydrogen fuel which is the future for this planet. The internet is going to converge with energy. They will be under the same strategy. You will be able to direct energy in ways that you want. It took us thirty years to answer this climate problem.

Our bodies are biologically tuned to the rhythm of the Earth. We are interconnected in energy and bio-self consciousness. Every single thing we do has an ecological footprint. Self reflection was discovered in the 1400’s and changed consciousness. Apollo 13 showed the earth from the universe and that also was a consciousness shift.

Changing our consciousness is a daunting task. We don’t know if our species can last but we can try. We can jointly experience the knowledge of the human race. We have to ask ourselves two questions: 1) do we have the attention span? The internet is a great thing, but when abused to waste hours, it will get the best of you (literally.) 2) sometimes we become insensitive to things not in front of us. Real time and face to face interaction makes a big difference.

This kind of knowledge comes with responsibility.

Day Three:

If you don’t have a yang to your life, FIND IT. You need it. You cannot exist on dream or inspiration alone!

Ben Keesey:

He went to UCLA and majored in applied math and science as well as management and business. He had three huge internships in college which set him up for a successful career right out of college. But in 2005 he went to Uganda and knew what he wanted to do: be the business side for IC. His guiding principles include: respect for each person’s story. Sometimes beliefs become divisive but it doesn’t have to be that way with IC. Another principle is that one must stay humble and consistent with compassion. Jump first, fear later, is a slogan that is always being said, as well as never quit. These are the principles they work and live by. Ben said his commitment is to use the resources we give him to the best of his ability and seriously as well. They know we worked our butt off raising that money, so they will work their butt off using it wisely.

Shannon Sedgwick Davis:

Don’t imitate, but innovate. Know, tell and act. I challenge you to do these things not with just IC but with everything. Always speak in love. The pursuit for social justice isn’t about boasting but about a CALLING. We have to ACT. We can’t keep waiting for others. We have to power NOW. Knowledge=notice.

Gary Haugen:

IJM is focused on violence against the poor. This unique form of violence in the world is what unites us.
-Slavery
-Human trafficking
-Police abuse
-Violent land theft
-Sexual violence

No one is being convicted of these crimes. That’s where IJM steps in. IJM is full of indigenous activists, lawyers, teachers, HR, etc. The first step is victim relief with undercover operations. Then police intervention and lawyers have to act. IJM makes sure prosecution takes place as well as aftercare. The structural transformation for prevention and strengthening is so important. Violence is real but WE CAN STOP IT.

Gary’s personal story starts with him wanting to know God. He knew God dwells in areas of suffering, so he went to those places. He went to South Africa during apartheid. He was actually arrested for being in a black city. He saw violence first hand and was appalled. The problem, he says, is always violence.

The question isn’t where is God, but where are HIS PEOPLE?

Moral clarity means that paralysis is analysis. Complexity seems to be prized over clarity. We have to get rid of that mindset. Clarity should be prominent. We have to discern right from wrong.
The ones suffering the most are far away and “unlike us” but with “cumpassio” means “with suffering” aka we need to push outside of our circle. Vagrant means wondering out of bounds. So we need to suffer with them in such a large way.
Violence will fight you back. The young people who aren’t yet afraid will decide to be free of the fear. We are afraid of humiliation, but should be striving for humility. We will find more defeats than victories but we have to KEEP PURSUING.
We cannot give up no matter the beating. Psalm 27 tells us to not stop and to JUST GO. Joy is the oxygen for persevering through the hard times.

John Prendergast:

The Kimberly Process is when the blood diamonds were eradicated and made conflict free. It took two years, but the war on diamonds in West Africa was over due to the UK and US movements.
Obama said it himself that the youth are the backbone of social justice movements.

You want to stop thousands of people causing violence and help even more of thousands get back to a stable life….? YEAH, WHY NOT?
We are the lights of hope. It is up to us and it is a time of peace. It starts NOW.

IC’s core values include:
Local Solutions
Adaptability
Sustainable Impact

Sending Signals to the LRA:

Sean Poole explains the justice system in Uganda. Charles Arop was an LRA officer. He was part of the mass killings during the Christmas massacre. He was responsible for the 865 killed and the 161 abducted. But since he surrendered, he received full amnesty. The chief used to be the judge of all problems, but if he were to send someone to jail, they would escape easily because jails were usually made of tree branches and leaves. So prisoners would do manual labor or hand over their animals instead.
There is a tree in Uganda that has a very bitter taste. When someone puts it on their tongue, it takes all the bitterness out of them and they are forgiven. Another tradition is that someone who comes back from the war has to step on an egg because it cleanses them spiritually. When they do that they can go back home, but if they don’t do it they cannot go home.

The Business side of IC:

MEND is a business but it is also part of the IC movement. Production with dignity is branding for a social enterprise. It is cause plus lifestyle. They wanted a piece that is practical and for a reason. It is about authentic associations and compassion with function. These are what make a MEND product.

Sherman Pishevar:

Everything we do from this day forward is leaving behind a legacy.
These things are what we should always do:
1)  Always ask. Don’t be afraid. What do you have to lose? People will love you for who you are, so speak from the heart.
2) Life is short. It is a blessing that we have this time. It is the collection of experiences, not material things. People can achieve anything when embracing friendships.
3) Mentorship. You find yourself through selflessness. “The children of Adam are lenses of each other. If you have no sympathy for the troubles, you have no right to be human.” We cannot compartmentalize our lives. Everything I do with my life will be about giving back. Why are we trapped in structures we inherited? We have the power of change.
The young are there to assist and help the older leaders. THAT IS BOLLOCKS.
We have to TAKE BACK the power.

Tom Shadyack:

Is the darkness within us? –Mary Oliver

Operation Manual:
Do we really follow Newton’s law? Or Darwin’s survival of the fittest? How true are these things? The basis of nature is cooperation and democracy. But the world is competitive.

“If a human being wants to grow, he has to ask everything.” –Dave Hart

The heart sends more information to the brain than the brain to the heart. We function in a state of love rather than separation. Anger can be an appropriate response to injustice but it can’t stay that way because we weren’t made to be angry people. When you are angry, you are the one that gets hurt. We have to channel that anger into joy.

Space is full of energy. Through quantum physics, we are all connected. It’s the potential reality of life.

Are we brothers and sisters, or not? Bottom line is that we don’t take care of each other, no matter what your theology of human connectivity is. We can end this war, but there will be another war after that. We have to change the system. We have to change HUMANITY.

The way we treat celebrities is like cancer. We elevate them until they become poisonous to our lives. Why do we do this? WE ARE ALL PEOPLE. We don’t need money or fame to start something great. We need love.  The Gospel of Thomas says “If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.”

The mystic Julian of Norwich once said, “All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well.”

Day Four:

Jason’s advice on how to be cool:
Be comfortable in your own skin and tread others how you want to be treated.

The idolatary of magnitude is thinking you are not good enough or cool enough if you don’t start an NGO. Do what you are capable of doing. Do what you would want to experience. Don’t over saturate your ideas to others. Make things personal.

*We will all be said when we leave here, but we can’t act more elevated than anyone else. This is our time.* Positivity and inclusiveness : the importance of proactive communication. Share your experiences with authenticity.

WE ARE A PART OF THE STORY.
WE ARE ON THE MOUNTAIN TOP.
WE HAVE TO TACKLE THE SPECIFIC.
THE WORLD IS IN EACH OTHERS EYES.

They will say it all started at the Fourth Estate…. because it did.

Let Hope Rise.

Summer seems to already be winding down. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve been in Austin all summer that made time fly by, or if there was some other factor I’m unaware of, but I can’t believe my summer is nearly over. I have one day of work left at my internship at the ARCH, which I’m really going to miss. It was a bit chaotic and messy at times, but working there has been one of the most edifying and rewarding experiences of my life. The people I worked with are some of the most dedicated in this city and the clients are some of the most hopeful people I’ve met. It was a true joy working there, and I’m so grateful I was called to stay in this city.

This weekend was the last one of the summer in Austin, and it was a strange one indeed. Vanessa and I got lost and basically took a road trip through central Texas on Saturday but it was a great and fun mess. Today was an interesting day of new places and faces, and lots of little reminders that God isn’t ignoring my prayers.

I leave for San Diego for the Fourth Estate in a few days, and it’s crazy to think the time has already arrived! I remember getting ready for the 25 event on April 25th, and seeing the Fourth Estate video for the first time. I thought there would be no way I would be accepted, but I was. I thought there would be no way to pay for it, but there was. And now I’m packing to go on this conference. I’m stoked to learn about all the teachings they have to give us and to go back to Cali after a long 12 years of departing it. It’s going to be an experience of a lifetime I’m sure, and I hope to bring back ideas and plans for the future.

There are a lot more things I want to say but can’t find the words to write. The main point I want to get across is this: people will always fail you and there are times when you feel like the world is literally pushing you down into the ground and it’s black all around and no one cares about you and there is nothing but bad things left for you. But God will never fail you and when the world feels too heavy He takes the weight for you and when you feel caught in a dark abyss He is there to bring in the light and bad can’t even exist because the Father is there watching out for his children. But God. Such a simple phrase and one that changes everything. It’s so so so easy to focus on the negative, the bad, the extremely horrible things of this world. Society shapes us into seeing the bad and taking the good for granted. I challenge you to only notice the good things, to always be happy even when it’s a struggle, and to know that through it all, there is a better and brighter day ahead. Nothing can stop you from being happy, except yourself. So let the love of the universe fill you up and the evil of the world have no place in your heart. Love is good, and love is real.

The LRA, tennis, and high standards.

I’m astounded of what happened yesterday as The House discussed the LRA Bill. They passed it unanimously, finally giving all of us who have been praying for it to go through. I personally went to my representative and a Senator to discuss why they should co-sponsor this bill, and it is miraculous to see my efforts producing results. I watched C-SPAN live as representatives across these states supported this bill and talked about the electrifying organization that I am so passionate about: Invisible Children. Everyone has worked so hard to get this bill (and war) noticed and for people to act on their apathetic feelings. I grow more and more in love with IC’s work and the people involved in it. The roadies are back at headquarters and the Ugandans are all back home. I truly love those guys and gals and I hope to see them again someday. The times we hung out and stayed up late talking about who knows what, going to Deep Ellum and tattoo shops, eating Indian food and going to Inwood… Those six people will always hold a special place in my heart because their drive, passion, and spirits are so unique and inspiring. I love each one of them. I also love all my friends who have helped out with any IC work and to those who have attended screenings and benefit shows (and the artists who performed). I cannot say it enough, but I am immensely grateful. I cannot wait to continue the IC journey at St. Edward’s in the fall.

In other news, the athletic banquet was the other night and of course, once again, tennis was not invited. The three time district champ tennis team is not considered as part of athletics, because apparently tennis is not a sport. As much as I love Texas, I truly despise the lack of enthusiasm for other sports and the atrocious love and attention American football receives. (I will never forget how my principal went to the JV football game last fall instead of coming to the first IC screening I hosted). But maybe that is just me setting high standards for people.

I find that I set unreasonably high standards for my friends and those around me. Maybe I just expect a lot out of people, but as Mike Dsane once said, I believe a person should have passion in everything they do. Without passion, there is a lack of care, and to me, that is no way to live life. My family has always expected only the best out of my sisters and I, so I took that into the world outside my household and found out to be quite disappointed. Maybe Austin will prove to be different.

I leave you with this quote that I heard Anthony Bourdain say on his show while eating in Japan:

“I went to brush something off my cheek, and it was the floor.”

There’s a gift inside your head called your mind.

The two day district tourney is finally over, and my doubles partner Jordan and I won second place. Regionals are in two weeks, and I am so unbelievably ecstatic! Through the great and shabby games played, we made it.

I got a call today from the Invisible Children roadies asking if they could stay the night tonight, and of course we said yes. I’m so excited to see them again! It has been far too long since I’ve seen this remarkable people.

I finished my FAFSA today (I am aware I’m a little late, but it is better than never) and I have a huge weight off my shoulders. Unfortunately, I was forced to plan a campus tour day at UNT. Hopefully my parents won’t like the school as much as St. Edward’s.

I only have three hours of school tomorrow. Yes.

All in all, I have had an abundance of joy today. I feel very blessed to have these wonderful events happen, and can only thank the man up above. But in times like these, I feel like a hypocrite. I get angry at God when bad things happen, refusing to accept them. When good things happen, I am overjoyed and very thankful. But it shouldn’t be this way. Not in the least bit. I should be happy and grateful with everything I am given, every obstacle, every pain, every hardship, every single thing. Instead, I contradict my own beliefs and make a fool of myself. I know I need to change.

I need humility.

I need to have faith, the blinded faith that Grace has.

I watched this video about a girl named Grace, who is a former child soldier of the LRA. In the short 15 minute movie, a woman named Vanessa takes a trip to the war-torn region of Northern Uganda and befriended Grace. Towards the end of the video, Vanessa walked Grace home and as they were walking, Grace said, “God loves me so much.” Vanessa said, “Well how do you know that?” And Grace responded with, “He sent you guys.”

That line had me bawling. Grace has been through more tragedy than most of us can fathom. Kidnapped at age 10, raped continuously for 3 years by a man of fifty years, and forced to partake in the LRA. She escaped at age 16 with a baby on her back, which was shot and killed. She was also shot in the back and the leg. But still, she can still say that “God loves me so much.” That kind of belief and optimism is full of light. I have never known that kind of strength and love. I can only hope to have that kind of supreme faith.

1000 times.

I love to write. Everyone who knows me knows that. Yet I don’t take the time to ever do it. Even if no one reads what I write, whether it be on wordpress or in my journal, I’m going to start writing everyday. Everything gets crammed in my head if I don’t have a way to let it spill. So, let the spillage begin.

I had a tennis tournament yesterday and it was my last time ever being at Fair Oaks. Considering I’ve been going there since my freshman year, it’s fairly sad that I’m never going back there. Saying goodbye to places is just as hard as saying goodbye to people.

26 days until I find out about my IC internship. I’ve been praying every day for this position to be granted to me. I can feel it in every ounce of my body that this is what I should be doing. I just hope I’m right.

Tomorrow is the start of the Dallas Cup, and this being my sixth year [I think] going, I’m absolutely ecstatic to show my friends why I am absolutely in love with soccer. This week will be great.

The Year I Got Everything  I Wanted by Cameron Conant is brilliant. You should consider reading it.

“It was warm in the night I was cold as a stone /But I still haven’t found what I’m looking for.”

Born this way, die this way.

Spring break is over. And it started snowing yesterday. How extremely bizarre.

1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?
   35.
2. Which is worse, failing or never trying?
   Never trying.
3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?
   You have to try things to see if you like them. If you don’t try new things, you will never learn anything.
4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?
   No. I put my words into action.
5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?
   People’s pessimism.
6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?
   Helping others in any way.
7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?
   I never settle.
8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?
   Not be in school for over 1/2 of it.
9. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?
   100%. We have total control over our life.
10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?
    I almost always do the right thing. I’m a go-with-my-gut kind of person.
11. You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire.  They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend.  The criticism is distasteful and unjustified.  What do you do?
    First off, if they have any reason behind what they say, then I have to respect their opinion. If they are purely ‘distasteful and unjustified’ then I will explain to them how and why they are utterly wrong.
12. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?
    Do what you love.
13. Would you break the law to save a loved one?
    Yes.
14. Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?
    Actually, yes.
15. What’s something you know you do differently than most people?
    Think, speak, and act.
16. How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?
    Everyone has their own hobby or idea that makes them happy. Everyone’s different.
17. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do? What’s holding you back?
    Travel the world and meet different people and learn their customs. I’m in high school so I don’t have the ability to get up and leave.
18. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?
    Always.
19. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?
    England. Land of the beautiful. I would also be near my very amazing family.
20. Do you push the elevator button more than once?  Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?
    Yes, and it really has no effect. It’s just a matter of my own patience.
21. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?
    Joyful simpleton.
22. Why are you, you?
    God made me this way. I enjoy the things I do, the way I am, and the complexities of myself.
23. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?
    Definitely.
24. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?
    When a good friends moves away. Forceful goodbyes are absolute bollocks.
25. What are you most grateful for?
    Life.
26. Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones?
    Lose old ones.
27. Is is possible to know the truth without challenging it first?
    Yes. Some things are proven true. And some people are very gullible.
28. Has your greatest fear ever come true?
    Nope, he’s still alive.
29. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset?  Does it really matter now?
    I remember being upset a lot at age 13. It doesn’t.
30. What is your happiest childhood memory?  What makes it so special?
    I have a lot that consist of being at the park with family, playing soccer, and being with friends doing weird, strange things. Being a child is absolutely wonderful, so the whole time period is very special to me.
31. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?
    Anything doing with Invisible Children, especially The Rescue last April, holding screenings/benefit shows, and meeting with Congressmen about the LRA bill.
32. If not now, then when?
    Now. Always now.
33. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose?
    Nothing. One should always take risks.
34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?
    No. I like words.
35. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars?
    Because its followers are extremists and don’t realise we are all from the same God.
36. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil?
    Some say yes, but we have to have doubts to be human.
37. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?
    Not if I loved my job.
38. Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing?
    More work I enjoy doing. I’d rather do endless IC work than even a ten minute statistics assignment.
39. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before?
    Nope.
40. When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in?
    Last summer. That was a good day.
41. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?
    As many people as I could. This is a truly heinous question.
42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?
    No. Appearances and fame mean almost nothing to me.
43. What is the difference between being alive and truly living?
    Being alive is having a heart beat. Truly living is doing what you’re passionate about, surrounding yourself with happiness and spreading love.
44. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?
    Right now. Take risks people. I would say yesterday if that were possible.
45. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?
    People don’t like disappointments, although that is when we learn the most.
46. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
    Say a lot more.
47. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?
    A few minutes ago. Yoga is all about timely breathing.
48. What do you love?  Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love?
    Invisible Children. Yes. I hosted the IC roadies for a few days. I held many screenings/benefit shows. I do a lot for them because my love for them is unsurpassed.
49. In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday?  What about the day before that?  Or the day before that?
    Possibly. I try to take more detailed notes in mind of what I do.
50. Decisions are being made right now.  The question is:  Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?
    For the most part, I make them.

This is the hope that lies in you.

Wow. Don’t you love that feeling when everything seems to have shifted, for the better? The affect that people can have on one person is immense. There’s a plethora of happiness going on and I have Invisible Children to thank for that. My happiness can always be routed back to them. Having the IC roadies at my house last week was a fun, entertaining and joyous occasion. I feel so blessed to have met them, conversed with them, spent time with them, and gotten to know all of them. They are truly the nicest people I’ve ever met in my life. I realise that’s a monstorous statement but it’s one I wholeheartedly mean. The Ugandans (Lilian and Benna) shared some great stories with us, and Lilian and my dad got to talk about their childhoods together (growing up in Uganda and India was apparently very similar). I really miss all of them and am so grateful to have learned things so much from them with the short amount of time we all had together.

I also am pleased with the screening and want to thank everyone who came. We raised $43 in cupcakes, brownies and bracelets, and sold $1450 worth of merchandise. And 5 children have full tuition in their school in Uganda as well. I want to thank you guys for not being apathetic anymore. Apathy is a feeling that has plagued us all. We see tormented individuals and know it’s terrible, but then we go on with our day thinking to ourself, “Well I can’t do everything for everyone.” My dad was talking to me about how he spends the same amount of money on lotto tickets every month that the visible child scholarship asks for (which is $35) and how he’s going to stop his gambling habit with lottery tickets so he can help a student in need. In the words of my father, “People aren’t hesitant to give $40 or $50 to their own kid, because they know them. But giving to someone you’ve never met and will never know, that’s a different story. That takes a wholehearted, giving person. Our Guru’s taught us to be selfless and giving, and there are so many that don’t live that type of lifestyle. But for me, I know what’s right, and this change is right.”

Senator Coburn finally lifted his hold on the LRA bill. I jumped and screamed for joy when I found out yesterday during tennis. I got stared at, but the joy overcame me and I couldn’t help my actions. The passing of this bill is going to change everything. Watching it progress one step at a time lights up my heart. I’ve been calling Senator Hutchison’s office daily to hopefully get through to someone. I’ve emailed, called, and have done everything short of stalking but I’m getting zero responses. I’m also calling/emailing Congressman Sessions, and am also not getting results. It’s frustrating, but persistence is key.

In Partners in Art today, Josh had a visitor come and talk to him. I assumed it was a teacher. The man was very nice, just like the other adults that come in. I noticed them saying “I love you man” to each other and I admired their close relationship. (Josh’s speech is difficult to understand at times but for the most part, we know what he is saying). After the mysterious man left, I asked Mrs. Rogers who it was. She surprised me with the response, “That’s Josh’s dad. His parents are divorced and he only sees his dad every couple weekends.” As Mrs. Rogers continued talking about Josh and his parents, I was fighting back the tears. Josh is one of the friendliest and sweetest kids in that class. He started crying when his dad was about to leave, and only then I understood why. I remember him kissing his dad’s hand, and his dad kept saying I love you over and over. Replaying this now is painful. My dad and I are very close, and I could never imagine what it would be like to not have a father in my life. It pains me to know Josh is not only dealing with his own mental and physical disabilities, but he doesn’t even have strong family support at home. I feel I need to double up my love for him to attempt to make him forget his home life for at least an hour.

ਹਰਿ ਨਾਲਿ ਰਹੁ ਤੂ ਮੰਨ ਮੇਰੇ ਦੂਖ ਸਭਿ ਵਿਸਾਰਣਾ ॥
Remain always with the Lord, O my mind, and all sufferings will be forgotten.

This line from Anand Sahib keeps me going.

My nerves will be the death of me, I know.

I have exceptionally great friends. Last night was fun until a certain point, where the evening kind of fell apart. A certain incident from a certain movie made a certain person uncomfortable and felt the need to leave. It was upsetting to us all, and it made me feel like a horrible friend for not realising that I should have, could have, stopped it. After we got passed our terrible friend capabilities, we had a great time with pizza from Addison, laughing attacks for longer than ten minutes, first impressions game, and good ol’ life talks. Yes, friends are grand. It’s sad that I’m just now belonging to a new group of people, and I’m going to be leaving soon. Very sad indeed. I wish school wasn’t in the way because I could spend a lot more time with these wonderful people, instead of getting taught useless information in a dodgy manner. College will be spectacular. Real classes with real information. Aaah, relief. Speaking of college, the parentals and I are going to visit St. Edward’s next weekend! I love Austin, so so much. And the weekend after is when the Invisible Children roadies and former Ugandan child soldiers will be staying at my house for three days! Exciting happenings here at my house. The Invisible Children Screening is March 4 at 6 pm, Naaman’s big gym! Don’t forget. Flyer coming soon!

I had an amazing, odd dream that I was at the Invisible Children in San Diego, and I made friends with all the new interns immediately and we all were working together and planning extravagant, magical lobby days for the summer. Man, if only it came true. I can’t wait to hear back from them. The anxiety is stomach-twisting.
Speaking of IC, I have a meeting at Senator Cornyn’s office about IC and signing onto the LRA Disarmament Bill. I’m ecstatic! This will be my second meeting with a political figure to try to get this bill supported and passed. Shout out to Tiana for getting the meeting!

My father just told me that my car wreck earlier this year was 100% my fault. Even though the person didn’t have their headlights on at 10:30 pm and ran off after striking the right side of my car, it’s my fault, because I was making a left turn. Interesting conclusion, insurance people.
Family problems stink. It’s worse when it’s completely out of your control. I just pray, pray, pray that things will work out.

We Could Be Heroes.

Berserk, ballistic, haywire, CRAZY. I applied for an internship with IC in the communication department a few days ago. For those who know me, you know that this has my name written all over it. I’m a journalism freak PLUS I bring up IC in every conversation, even though most of you get sick of it. I am a relentless fool and I hope it will be beneficial for me. I have have have have have to get this internship. No lie, I’ve been wanting this since last summer. I can feel myself being in San Diego right now, with a bunch of other determined souls like my own right now, working with IC to achieve what needs to be dealt with: ending the war in Uganda. I know I’m right for this job and I’m nervous for the competition I’m up against, but I know if I’m meant to get it, I will. I’ve been counting down the days until I find out about it…73 more days!

Applications make me nervous. I wish all applications could be with human contact, face to face. How can you like me through words on a piece of paper? Hopefully I’m a decent enough writer to have some sort of impact on all the things I’ve applied for. It’s such a game, trying to be accepted into colleges or jobs or scholarships, or whatever it may be. Life just seems to be one massive game, and humans play along unaware of how demeaning it can be.

Visiting St. Edward’s at the end of the month to hopefully persuade my parents to let me go there. I love Austin. Love love love. I’m reading a collection of Kurt Vonnegut’s short stories and man, they’re terrific. A good book can always solve problems temporarily. Also, I’ve become re-obsessed with Moulin Rouge. I’ve been listening to the soundtrack every second of the day and pretend Ewan is singing to me. Elephant Love Medley, Your Song (originally by Elton John), Come What May. Greatest love songs ever written.

Life is hard.
Life is good.
God is good.